I guess, if we had the ability to see the future, hindsight and all that, we would be able to make more sensible, justified decisions. But we can’t. Well I can’t anyway.
All I could see was the now. Now I am pregnant. Now I have to decide for myself what to do. No one can make this decision for me. Ultimately it’s all down to me.
My boyfriend and I talked for periods at a time. We made pros and cons lists. Tried to work out if we were ready to become parents. But how do you really know? Like even when you’re trying, how can you 100% sure this is the right path for you?
At the end of each conversation we ultimately kept coming back to one thing. We are not financially ready to have a baby. I mean, we were renting, we were in a reasonably new city, new jobs, we knew basically no one who could be of any support in the area and we had no savings.
I made the appointment to Lyndhurst, which in Christchurch is the termination clinic at the women’s hospital. But I still wasn’t sure it was what I wanted to do. It didn’t matter too much at this stage though because before you go through with the actual termination you must first go through a couple of counselling sessions to make sure this is the right decision for you. Which I thought I really needed. I’m all for counselling. I see no shame in talking through your thoughts and feelings with a non-biased stranger.
Meanwhile, I started reading up on the adoption process in New Zealand. I myself was adopted, well me and my brothers are surrogate babies as my parents could not conceive together. So naturally, this meant quite a lot to me. I am very close with my biological family and my biological mother is absolutely amazing. I owe her everything, my life even. However I know this was so hard for her. I knew it would be hard for me too. But I would rather give back to someone or a couple in need instead of just flushing a chance all down the toilet. Adoption was definitely another option.